i sometimes cant stand this, i cant stand being me. who i am. i am no one, there is nothing special about me and it seems as if everyone around me has something going for them except for me. i'd like to disappear some days just go off into nothing and stay nothing. i cried in the car before i came into the house for almost an hour. i couldnt call anyone since everyone i'd call i would know is doing something worth while. i question myself so often its ridiculous, oh my i just wish i could go away. 

i still have to finish christmas shopping, it amazes me how its already the "holidays". i still feel like its summer, or school time. 

-sigh-

what am i doing?