i saw ian yesterday and as usual its hard to talk since im working and i always want to talk to him and just hang out but i'm younger so i would feel really stupid asking him and he would probably think of me as some adolescent baby. i try so hard not to be nervous and not in the "dont be nervous" way in the actual mind power calm down way. i still fail, my hands shake and i end up somewhat slurring my words and its so unfair since he's never seen me act "normal" or just how i usually act ((calm and collected)). he came in the other day asking for a large hot water since it was cold out and he was going to give it to this homeless guy he often gives food to ((this only makes him more perfect <3__<3)) so next time i see him i think i'll tell him that i'll save some of the markouts to give to him for the homeless man. fuck its just so unfair that i only get to have this relationship at work, i wish i could actually be friends with him. 6_6