i need to get it out, i need to tell another soul, i need another living being to know the truth to know what i've done. i cant see you i just cant because those memories are played over and over and im amazed how those experiences have changed the way i see you. i thought i could be cool and hip and adult like and handel this since they're experiences i've seen society and culture make these situations look ok. like you're cool for being in them but you're not. it eats at you and late at night its all you can think about. i dont want to develop feelings for you, thats the last thing i want and need. im waiting for time to pass, for these feelings to feel like they're buried in my past as unimportant and irrelevant but the more i wait for them to become that they simply do the opposite.

im going crazy.