you came in today, and there i was with my whole family and the last thing i wanted you to do is to look at me. we talked and i cried in the car. i wish i was cool enough for you, i wish i was older and had my own place and had a cool job and actually cooked vegan food rather than just eat out. i wish for all of this and more but tonight i realized that its okay. its okay because for me its just a single part of my life, you're just one guy i may or may not date. this might be the beginning of something it might not. i forget that i see things a lot bigger than they actually are. i cried it all out, all the shamefulness and all the embarrassment. tomorrow we will see each other again and now i know it'll be okay. maybe i wont be able to totally control myself but i'll be for the most part all there.

i need to focus on myself my goals and aspirations. i need to get myself together.