i think i finally know what it means when people say they get sacred by their feelings

tomorrow

:-)


i've been listening to kitty's new ep all day its so lovely

if you only knew i cry about the fact that i literally day dream about you and there isnt a day i dont think about you. you're the most wonderful perfect person i've ever met, is it weird to say i love you? im inlove with your personality. so hopeless

princess gawby and i!!!!

charlyne yi sent me her submission for my zine!!!!!
its beautiful and exactly what i've dreamed of, im so thankful for this. and im setting an interview with someone special soon1!!!!!!!!
!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my stepmom and i always talk about ian and she's really intuitive and so far we know a bit about him. she says she feel im going to have a boyfriend when im 19 and doesnt think its ian and that makes me sad but also happy at the same time. im sure people who read this think im just some weird creepy obsessive girl but if you guys just knew, i know ian is this special human being who has intentions and is so lovely and beautiful. he just has this wonderful energy that i cant explain. i also always think wow what if i never got hired at this place what if i never started to have feelings for this human what would my life be like?

am i cool or what i bought these super rad kenzo glasses today!!!!!!!
*~*~*~**~*~*~*~****

going to the andy warhol collection on thursday! heheheheeee

im so eeexcciiited, and tomorrow im going to see local natives!




_____________________________________________


ian came in today and he looked so cute in his shirt <3_____<3 i just want to kiss him and hug him and i bet he smells wonderful wow do i sound creepy or what he just makes me so happy

my hair is the shortest its ever been!!! im going to grow it out now back to mermaid length heeheeee 

going to see fidlar in pamona 2night but idk if this is ~dressy enough for them~ its supposed to be formal themed~ whatever that means

so im switching out the pastry case, trying to finish it as fast as i can so i can go on my lunch and just as i had finished mentioning to my co worker that i miss ian i realize he was in line!!!! he was wearing this cute button up shirt and i was just taken back by the fact for the last two or three days i started to feel like he was just a fantasy boy that i had made up in my head since it felt like i would never see him again. i walked around to the other side of the case to where he was in line and making sure i didnt acted like i didnt notice him i put the labels infront of the pastries and then i just walked back to put away the old cases and i called out this sandwhich since he was on the other side waiting. and i talked to him saying hey how are you and he told me that band i had mentioned to him was playing amoeba and he had thought of me and he came in the other day to mention it but didnt see me. just knowing that he had taken the time to think of me, made me almost faint. after all these weeks that i just kept thinking god this dream boy doesnt even know who i am turns out does!!!! this whole post sounds so ~tweenish~ but thats exactly how i feel. he just looked so cute and wonderful in his white button up that made him look extra babe and his constant moving side to side was just so precious i couldnt help but to just smile. <3____<3 i would of totally asked him out (kinda) if my co worker who is a total snob  wasnt working on bar. darrrrn, but i did ask where he had been and he said he hadnt been getting coffee for a while which i was happy to know i wasnt just missing him and now i know he'll be coming in more!!! wow im so happy!!!!


((also good things are coming to me i feel it, + im seeing fidlar again tonight !!! ))

:-) fidlar pt 4 tomorrow with my stepmom

this happened last night. it was the 2nd time i met lana and she was so kind and down to earth in such a special way i cant explain it. it was like she was so happy to meet me and i know she's met many fans but just the way she is with people she's so sweet and gave me the most heartwarming hug. she just has this way of making you feel like you're the most important fan in the world, something that not even my favorite band has made me feel. idk how to explain it in words ~_~

i had dinner at the brite spot and paris happened to be working so he sat with me and we just talked about really bad customers and how i hate school. it was nice to see him, its so nice to run into my friends, especially when its unplanned. i love the brite's spot vegan bagel burgers so good mmmmmmm
<3____<3

after i left i thought about how the first time i went to the brite spot was really ~life changing~ since it was the first time i was exposed to echo park and silverlake and it just looked like a dream world to my 13 yr old eyes.

i literally have post show depression from the fidlar/pangea show i went to last night. it was so fucking magical i cant explain it. i've been to a few shows where i've had fun and all but idk last night just felt like a dream, the kind of show that when you describe it, it sounds like pure exaggeration. so happy i went. same with when they played the echo it was so good and so much fun i was so happy i went even with literally all of my friends going to another event. ughh there's just this appreciation i have for live music that is hard to explain and sounds a bit dumb to talk about since its so easy for anyone else to say the same thing. i really do love pangea too, they're so great live and the lead singer is such a babe. )): so sad last night cant be re-lived but then again thats whats so special about it. its a memory i'll have for the rest of my life

it made me so happy when i developed my film, it was like christmas. 

its been almost a month i havent seen ian <3____<3 he came in today when i was working yet, im so sad i missed him and turns out my whole work place knows im inlove with him waaaaaah. hopefully one day he'll come in and it'll just be us and it'll be wonderful <3

bought a garter i feel so girly ~

<3 <3 <3 

i cant wait to see my friends tomorrow


i ran into lauren early and it made me so happy since i thought we wouldnt see each other, we literally ran into her at this coffee shop in silverlake. cant wait to visit her in new york :')

me and adam in chi


cant wait 4 pitchfork fest !!!




((did i mention im going????!?!?!?))

so i was stupid enough to tell my dad about my promotion and now he's forcing me to take it (literally forcing me) and if i dont he's totally going to cut me off from everything, cut off my phone and refuse to acknowledge me in the family.
his reason is that its going to help me but everyone i've asked said its not worth it and its way too much time so how the fuck am i supposed to be focused on school if im working 40 hours a week~!!!!! JESUS CHRIST I CAN NEVER WIN IN THIS LIFE I GIVE UP I WANT TO JUST DISAPPEAR  FROM THIS STUPID PLANET. i feel so worthless. I DONT NEED A REPEAT OF LAST SEMESTER WHERE I GOT NO SLEEP EVER AND I ENDED UP DROPPING TWO CLASSES. coming home at one having to be at school around 8 then after going to another class in which i often left early because i had to make it to work at 2 only to repeat the night before
i dont want this stupid job i dont want to move up i was planning to quit soon anyways fuck!!!! i need to get the fuck out of here. and ofcourse no one is answering their phones

i miss getting french fries or going out to flore with mikey and just talking about girls and food and life i miss seeing him so often, i love him so much and i hate that i never get to see my friends or just text them cause im always making stupid drinks for other people

im so sad inside i was going to take a ~cool~ selfie photo booth and i couldnt even fucking smile jesus you can see it in the one where im trying to smile its just im so dumb

i got asked to be a shift at my work and i said yes but to be honest i dont want to move up at starbucks because frankly thats not what i want to do, its the furthest from what i want to do. ughghguughghghghghhhhhhhhh~~~!!!! im unhappy with my life @ the moment. i need to fix things i need to get it together

hoping for good dreams tonight

crying because sergio is leaving

chopped off my hair
!!!!

im so infatuated with ian its tiresome  its been like this for a couple months now. i wish i could just turn these feelings off, the amount of curiosity and wonder about him is what pulls me towards him more.