this year im gonna save my fafsa money and use it for new york and a new car, possibly paris?

i've just been sitting in bed all morning and i wont get out until i must get ready for work

breakfast: grapes and a cup of almond milk
work snacks : grapes, lettuce with olive oil, salt and lemon with some tomato, half of my bell pepper with some vegan ranch, nuts mix
dinner: left over veggie pho

in the last week or so i've never felt so much anxiety. i feel like i went back to highschool and its just super shitty and i feel so insecure, i think its mostly just being scared of change and whats to come and the fact that people around me are changing and i just want to stay in this stage. i have to try this year and i just want to i dont know what i  want and i have work at 12 and i think i might cry ugh idk what to do or what to say anymore

cant stop day dreaming
cant stop dreaming
wont stop till its my reality
because im a little girl who never lets go
of my pretty thoughts
and feelings
about the dumb boys with the pretty shoes

i just love him so much as a friend it hurts. i cry about it but not because i yearn to be loved by him or to be kissed by him but cared for as a friend. hes such a special person and holds such a special place in my heart and i care so much and i hope and want only the best for him. i just wish i could talk to him and ask him how he's doing and tell him how im happy for him being with her. how i know its all he wanted.
i cant wait to go to seattle, i just need a break <3

i'd like to spend my day in a field of chamomile flowers just listening to serge gainsbourg all day and drinking almond milk please

who has work in an hour and hasnt gotten ready?!?!?
meee!!!!!

dumb

finally bought a LA hat~ ive wanted one for a while now and i cant wait to wear it when im seattle!! my nike game was so on point today too!!!

but at the end of night im still a sad girl with too many sad thoughts
~sigh

when i look at pictures of alexa chung i get sad because IM NOT AS COOL AS HER

uh

ITS 2:30 AM AND MY FUCKING NEIGHBORS WONT SHUT UP. THEY NEED TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS LIKE EXCUSE ME IM TRYING TO SLEEP.

!~

as i type this my francoise hardy vinyl that was re issued and shipped from germany just for me is playing on my record player!!! i've gone to amoeba & origami and both didnt have any and werent gonna order some for me ): but the super cool guy at vacation vinyl on sunset did!!! i remember the day i went in and wrote a request for it. i was super sad about kale boy and that day i bought my copy of eight ball i think??? anyways today i went into skylight and got my copy of lost at sea!! i ordered a new one since i dont feel like asking kale boy for mine back + i hope he actually reads it. i still care about him so much as a friend and hope he's happy and maybe someday we can be friends again and go to movies and drink tea and talk about french culture!!! anyways im so happy, i just want to lay in bed all day and listen to this and dream of my future life in paris!!! today theres a party at my co workers and a show at the smell im co sponsoring but im not sure which to go to ): hmmmmmmmmmMMMmmmmMMMM

can it just be aug where i leave to seattle!?!?!?! 

_

im 98 % sure that i want my first tattoo to be three lil flowers that look doodled on my arm. that or the outline of a heart with me in it. i want something special and dear to my heart to always remind me to love myself and be childlike. i hate perfect tattoos, life isnt perfect nor do i want my life to be perfect. i want it to be pretty and interesting like a doodled flower that has a sense of childlike wonder.

.

this sunday i have off so i think im going to take a trip to the beach early early and shoot a friend of mine in film!!! idk who yet but i want something very simple and pretty!!! <3

i need to start finding another job, i love my job now but its important for me to get more experience and meet new people !!! my goals for this week! hmmm

finish watching certain films, start reading on the road, work !!!, get film developed !!! etc etc!