this year im gonna save my fafsa money and use it for new york and a new car, possibly paris?

i've just been sitting in bed all morning and i wont get out until i must get ready for work

breakfast: grapes and a cup of almond milk
work snacks : grapes, lettuce with olive oil, salt and lemon with some tomato, half of my bell pepper with some vegan ranch, nuts mix
dinner: left over veggie pho

in the last week or so i've never felt so much anxiety. i feel like i went back to highschool and its just super shitty and i feel so insecure, i think its mostly just being scared of change and whats to come and the fact that people around me are changing and i just want to stay in this stage. i have to try this year and i just want to i dont know what i  want and i have work at 12 and i think i might cry ugh idk what to do or what to say anymore

cant stop day dreaming
cant stop dreaming
wont stop till its my reality
because im a little girl who never lets go
of my pretty thoughts
and feelings
about the dumb boys with the pretty shoes

i just love him so much as a friend it hurts. i cry about it but not because i yearn to be loved by him or to be kissed by him but cared for as a friend. hes such a special person and holds such a special place in my heart and i care so much and i hope and want only the best for him. i just wish i could talk to him and ask him how he's doing and tell him how im happy for him being with her. how i know its all he wanted.
i cant wait to go to seattle, i just need a break <3

i'd like to spend my day in a field of chamomile flowers just listening to serge gainsbourg all day and drinking almond milk please